"Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective, but there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor --Stephen Chbosky"
Looking through the world is like watching a Free cable T.V. with Action, Drama, Sitcom and Romance. --Carizza
"Have you ever been around to redeem a sight of a withered soul?". Love it really changes you, A person could get so messed up that they could think about taking a pill and leaving this insane, cold and cruel world. Of course, It wouldn't be the solution. Which of course is easy to say. It is easier said and done because the people who hasn't felt the break are more optimistic. "People who are not depressed see the world they want to see it. People who are depressed see the world the way it is."
A lot could say and judge that i don't know much. I admit that i'm still young and naive but who has that kind of wisdom right?, We all try to be the wiser one to those in need of it. Because at that very moment we see hope in our lives and we try to revive the helpless soul from their very eyes.
Depression, episodes of all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. The term "depression" is ambiguous. A paralyzing state often used to denote this syndrome but may refer to other mood disorders or to lower mood states lacking clinical significance. Major depressive disorder is a disabling condition that affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. It literally sucks the life out of you, It is an inevitable case that everyone has felt. The good thing though is that we could try avoid it, if you are tough enough to not feel or you should have wished your heart is made of stone.
"I was never insane, except upon
occasions when my heart was touched.--
Edgar Allan Poe"
I've seen someone who has been through so much hurt that he's drinking his life away. It is both sad and depressing to see a result of hopelessness. The Belonging he longed and wished for never got to him. The worst part he doesn't believe in Trust, Hope and especially God anymore. I've told him once, "It is good to hold on to someone when everything is in oblivion, It is not bad to call Him.". But, he never wanted to try. He said that maybe he'll find his Angel someday that could retrieve him from his blackhole. I totally disagree with this guy. The thing is we have to redeem ourselves we can't be a "Damsel in Distress" all-the-time and think that there is someone out there that could mend those damages. "We have to be our own Saviour."
Some people needs love so much that they try to love again after being broken hoping they could find "The One" who could be their equal. But they end up being hurt again because of the so-called "Relationship Baggage", Resulting to more pain and suffering to the bearers.
"Without Pain how could we know Joy. --The fault in the stars, John Green"
Love? so deep and meaningful yet so cruel and empty. But really, it's all just psychology. It's just hormones kicking in and messing with you. Think about it, Love? it's just this Stupid, Irrational, Insanity-driven, Screwed-up emotion. Things happen because it is meant to be that way and we have to accept because this is a world with no game console to control it with. All we could do is Pray to God and hope for a better Morning.
I apologize for the long hiatus My dearies, I have been so busy with everything. The holidays have passed and i think it's time for me to leave another mark on your mind. Plus, i needed inspiration to write about. But, need not worry i have so much to tell.
Look up, There's still hope.
New hope for a New year. Isn't it great to start out again, hoping for the better every year. 2012 has been great and all, Like a roller coaster there has been ups and downs for everybody. I have learnt so many things for the past 365 days, About Life and myself. It's still a continuous process that i will have everyday. As i have been so uptight about change, One thing that struck me that Changeis part of our existence that cannot be bent.
2012, the year where everyone thought deluge and chaos was coming to this miserable grounds. Everyone was worried with this conclusion and tried to be a "Doomsday Prepper". As i see it, it is nice to see people be wary of their environment and try to save their future from the morbid end, but for me Zombie Apocalypse would be the coolest *wink*.
New Year's Eve
It's just nice and funny at the same time to see humans acting like they know that they will survive something that is already written. Taking care of the environment and not to mention the mainstream movie. The fact that they have abused the blessed resources that was given by the Almighty. But enough of that, 2012 ran down fast and little by little i realize that everything is not as it used to be. I grow old and things really have changed. I myself is guilty of that change, My ways, morals, art and perspective in everything.
"Keep calm and Take Photos, So Hipster." --Carizza
When i got off from my so-called prison, I thought of buying a camera to continue my neglected soul for Art. I practiced but still an amateur though. I just want to capture the beauty of what i see and hope that someone will appreciate the still-photos.
"I can see beauty where other see ugliness that either makes me an artist, or a person of very poor taste."
I have a totally different view now compared to my perspective before. I could say that i have weird ideals, even i get weirded-out with myself. And it just gets weirder and weirder.
I actually don't know them but they asked me to take their picture and put it on the internet, So here they go. Since it was the New Year's Eve why not?.
To where i live now, there's always grasslands i step on. I always take the opportunity to just enjoy. Even though i miss my Hometown. I've met a lady recently she would always have smile on her face. There was a time that she was just doing a simple, boring task my friend asked her "Why are you always smiling?". She said, "In everything that you do, You must be happy." Simple isn't it? yet very tough to do but she does this every single day. A bit homesick, still i am happy here. But the meadows for me are too calm now. And it won't take me to the change i'm looking for. There will always be a part of me that will always comeback to my favorite place in the world. I've bumped into a word Wanderlust: A contemporary German equivalent for the English word wanderlust, in the sense of "crave for travel", is Fernweh (literally meaning "an ache for distant places"). I have come to a dream where i don't wish for the riches of the world. I now wish to be a Traveler To live in enjoyment of travelling and diversing with different cultures. I just want to go and bump into something that means a lot.
Apparently, I got Bangs.
I decided back in 2012 since i'm getting a fresh start why not a fresh new look?. I got myself a full bangs, i wanted to be different. I don't want a simple, mainstream, overrated look. I want an eye-catching hairstyle. Hence, my k-pop inspired look was born. No one forced me to cut my hair i just really wanted to do it though i was scared that i'd look like a kid with a really really bad do. Well, it turned out fine. I'm planning to grow my hair long but still keep the bangs because it looks so damn different from others. It's like in just one glance you'd already know me.
Me, a little over 5 years ago. And yeah without the bangs. See the difference?
"Like a typical little girl, I needed to match the color of my shoes to the color of my clothes."--Carizza
I remember when i was grown up enough to be conscious of how i look and act. Every Christmas parties, Theater Plays or just an event when i was in High school i always wanted to look like a Fashion magazine. Sadly, i was a teenager, no money and no knowledge about pulling off an outfit. I have and always will have a frustration towards fashion. It was my dream to be a Fashion-designer/ M.D. but dreams are dreams *sigh* though i still try to chase it. Lookbook.nu, I knew of this heavenly website from Cherry. LB.nu, is like a facebook of the fashionistas. This got me to be inspired and pump-up my affair with fashion. My kind of stress-reliever would be to put on something nice, it's also how i release my artsy-fartsy side and my weird taste.
"When i was kid, i just knew in my heart, I was born to soar high."--Carizza
The year where I've taken interest into Levitation. It's really nice that people recognize my works. I really appreciate the nice words and comments they gave every time i post a new photo. Levitation captured my inspiration because of the faux-flying effect. Everytime that i'm done with a photo it would really look like i'm flying. I like it so much that i really do want to do it every chance that i can get. It's just that i have to be careful with taking a watchful eye on my camera.
My Baby Girl
I am a dog-lover though ironically i should be afraid of dogs with the fact that i've been bitten once. And my mother just don't like dogs. I never had a chance to have a pet, a real pet. Not those, 50 cents chicks that you could buy from a vendor. This is Panda, my grandma's pet. I may not be her owner but i get to see her a lot and she likes me. My granny told me she has another breed of some sort but i don't think so. I'm gonna love her whatever she is.
Zara Adrianne
"Because i needed this more than she does."--Carizza
Pretty isn't she?, Zara Adrianne my little cousin. The time has come that i pass down the crown for the princess role in the family. It's kind of exhausting being the only girl. For 21 years i'm always the center of attention and jokes. Now, i get even with my Aunt *evil laugh*. I really hope that she grows up soon so that we could play and so i get to teach her.
I've always wanted a tripod ever since i got my camera. But it wasn't that easy considering the fact that i've spent too much. I told myself i will just wait until i get a new source of pot of gold *wink*. Recently, i got some new friends because from the Review Center for my Licensure Exam. Danica, the miraculous friend that got my back. She gave me this wonderful piece of ornament for my camera. It was really unexpected but i was really glad that i have this and I Thank You. Now, i have a wider options for shooting and it's easier for me to do some shots like for LB and long-exposure shots.
"Cherry, You know i always got your back."--Carizza
Another gift that was totally unexpected. I met up with Cherry after a totally wasted and unproductive day. We had coffee and as expected talk. Poured her eyes to death because of *He-who-must-not-be-Named*. As a crybaby, the whole thing got to me. We were sobbing at Starbucks in front of a whole lot of people. I asked Cherry if i could have the stickers since she already has a Planner, She didn't answer me so i got the message that she didn't want to hand-it-out. When she got her coffee, she got a new a bag with the New Planner inside. To my shock, she handed it to me. I was really suprised, Like a Birthday Gift Suprise kind of Shock. I asked her if she was kidding or something she said "No" it was really for me. She said that it was for being a Good Friend. I was really embarrassed i didn't get anything for Cherry. Thank You not only for this but also for being a Great Friend.
Forever 21
My 21st birthday came in like a bore. I didn't do anything at ALL. I was at home and nothing to do. It came in just like a normal day. Nothing special. Everyone was busy, it was alright for me. Sadly, some people greeted only those whom remembered. I didn't post my birthdate on Facebook that's why no one called. Honestly, i was sad at that day. However, I do understand that everyone is busy with their own lives that's why i got over it the day after.
I was scared, Now that i'm trying to accept change. I fought my fears away.
I am a B.S. Nursing Graduate from a small Chinese college. 2011 was really harsh that's why i didn't take my Licensure exam right away. It took me 3 consecutive envious Board Examination results and a year of tugging with Greed before i realized that i was sucking my life away. I took the Licensure Exam on December 2012, because it felt like i needed to settle an unfinished business with my degree.I took it because i felt i needed to go back because i rushed to be a working grown-up.I felt exhausted. I needed a long break. I was happy, refreshing my memories from the things i've known 5 years ago. It's like college all over again only with better information and another set of new friends. But, now i'm recharged and ready to be a Grown up again. Hopefully, since this time i didn't rush things i'd really be happy.
"Believe me, I'm just a Blogger-Wanna be"--Carizza
While i was in a long Break/ Meditation/ Retreat, i figured that i should write about the People and Things that gave me inspiration, the thoughts that made me learn and realize. Everyday is an opportunity for Learning, when i was a kid i thought after college i'd get rid of all of the Math books and be on my way to work or something and just enjoy living without MATH. It made me think that even after getting a degree it's not an excuse to stop being a student. We are always a student. I take that chances everyday and just write about it. It's not always about the hard equations. It's about bigger than that.
2012 was really fast. It was like just a snap of a finger. It's another year, another 365 days, another revolution of the Earth. Be hopeful and put a crossed-finger it what would keep us sane. And be ready for the phrase, "2013, Please be Good to me." *hahaha*
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